Mental asylum

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Ivy-mai
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Re: Mental asylum

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the master wrote: Fri Dec 04, 2020 7:57 pm
Ivy-mai wrote: Fri Dec 04, 2020 6:56 pm
mrmadness wrote: Fri Dec 04, 2020 6:08 pm
Ivy-mai wrote: Fri Dec 04, 2020 2:24 pm

🤣🤣🤣 I do not squirt gravy lol.
It is hilarious when master comes to see me though, he's dressed as a penguin, dressed me as a penguin, brought fish and stones to pay me, brought a horses tail, the list is endless! 🤣🤣 xx
Damn shame you don't squirt gravy because Oxo seems more expensive every time I buy it. Would save me a few quid. Taste might be unappealing though if we're talking what TM was hinting at. Will have to invite Lord and Master around for dinner to try it first. I'll stick to the salad lol.

Bet when you returned to escorting, dressing as a penguin was the last thing you thought you'd be asked to do.
Its not gravy, don't know where he got that idea, out he fills me up with chocolate orange and I squirt, chocolate orange fountain now 🤣🤣🤣 xx
Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory has finally got a rival. Ivy mai and her chocolate orange love fountain. Not sure it will make it as a kids book or film though. It would certainly be an interesting christmas film for the family.
🤣🤣 think that's more one of those films on xhamster and pornhub 🤔 🤣🤣
Would be funny for you all to sit back and watch the chocolate shower 🚿 😜 xx
love Ivy xxx
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Re: Mental asylum

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Ivy-mai wrote: Fri Dec 04, 2020 8:04 pm
the master wrote: Fri Dec 04, 2020 7:57 pm
Ivy-mai wrote: Fri Dec 04, 2020 6:56 pm
mrmadness wrote: Fri Dec 04, 2020 6:08 pm

Damn shame you don't squirt gravy because Oxo seems more expensive every time I buy it. Would save me a few quid. Taste might be unappealing though if we're talking what TM was hinting at. Will have to invite Lord and Master around for dinner to try it first. I'll stick to the salad lol.

Bet when you returned to escorting, dressing as a penguin was the last thing you thought you'd be asked to do.
Its not gravy, don't know where he got that idea, out he fills me up with chocolate orange and I squirt, chocolate orange fountain now 🤣🤣🤣 xx
Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory has finally got a rival. Ivy mai and her chocolate orange love fountain. Not sure it will make it as a kids book or film though. It would certainly be an interesting christmas film for the family.
🤣🤣 think that's more one of those films on xhamster and pornhub 🤔 🤣🤣
Would be funny for you all to sit back and watch the chocolate shower 🚿 😜 xx
Sit back? I will be going straight to the source and getting covered in chocolate xx
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Re: Mental asylum

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I have heard the term "arse like a blood orange" do we have a new phrase "fanny like a chocolate orange" fucking delicious and you have to tease it open with your fingers. Xx
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Re: Mental asylum

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the master wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2020 4:31 am I have heard the term "arse like a blood orange" do we have a new phrase "fanny like a chocolate orange" fucking delicious and you have to tease it open with your fingers. Xx
I suppose it's better than "fanny like a kinder surprise" open it up only to find something extra to play with and is a choking hazard if you try swallow it.
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Re: Mental asylum

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Honestly wish I'd never said anything now 🙈🙈🤣🤣🤣.
Honestly nothing you say surprises me 🤣🤣 .
I thought I already was a kinder surprise, you know with me "having a penis" and all? 🤣🤣 xx
love Ivy xxx
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Re: Mental asylum

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Ivy-mai wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2020 11:02 am Honestly wish I'd never said anything now 🙈🙈🤣🤣🤣.
Honestly nothing you say surprises me 🤣🤣 .
I thought I already was a kinder surprise, you know with me "having a penis" and all? 🤣🤣 xx
No, you are more like a Flake (if they still make them) no matter how careful and what precautions you use, you seem to get everywhere. Xx
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Re: Mental asylum

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the master wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2020 2:27 pm
Ivy-mai wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2020 11:02 am Honestly wish I'd never said anything now 🙈🙈🤣🤣🤣.
Honestly nothing you say surprises me 🤣🤣 .
I thought I already was a kinder surprise, you know with me "having a penis" and all? 🤣🤣 xx
No, you are more like a Flake (if they still make them) no matter how careful and what precautions you use, you seem to get everywhere. Xx
🤣🤣🤣🤣 honestly I've never know anyone like you, you absolutely have an answer for everything!
Though I have to agree I do get everywhere 🤣🤣🤣 xx
love Ivy xxx
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Re: Mental asylum

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Ivy-mai wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2020 4:06 pm
the master wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2020 2:27 pm
Ivy-mai wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2020 11:02 am Honestly wish I'd never said anything now 🙈🙈🤣🤣🤣.
Honestly nothing you say surprises me 🤣🤣 .
I thought I already was a kinder surprise, you know with me "having a penis" and all? 🤣🤣 xx
No, you are more like a Flake (if they still make them) no matter how careful and what precautions you use, you seem to get everywhere. Xx
🤣🤣🤣🤣 honestly I've never know anyone like you, you absolutely have an answer for everything!
Though I have to agree I do get everywhere 🤣🤣🤣 xx
And I would eat you off my fingers.

Fuck. I dont know if I want sex or chocolate now. Xx
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Re: Mental asylum

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Probably chocolate 🤣🤣, its supposed to be better then sex 🤣🤣🤣 xx
love Ivy xxx
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Re: Mental asylum

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Ivy-mai wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2020 5:18 pm Probably chocolate 🤣🤣, its supposed to be better then sex 🤣🤣🤣 xx
Probably best that I have chocolate, as I I only have £3 on me and I dont think the girl at the shop will be too pleased if I gave her that and asked for sex. Ooooo actually, I can have chocolate by myself and sex..... also by myself.
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Re: Mental asylum

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the master wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2020 6:00 pm
Ivy-mai wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2020 5:18 pm Probably chocolate 🤣🤣, its supposed to be better then sex 🤣🤣🤣 xx
Probably best that I have chocolate, as I I only have £3 on me and I dont think the girl at the shop will be too pleased if I gave her that and asked for sex. Ooooo actually, I can have chocolate by myself and sex..... also by myself.
Probably best to have it all by yourself, don't think anyone else will put up with what you do 🤣🤣🤣 xx
love Ivy xxx
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Re: Mental asylum

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Ivy-mai wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2020 6:11 pm
the master wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2020 6:00 pm
Ivy-mai wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2020 5:18 pm Probably chocolate 🤣🤣, its supposed to be better then sex 🤣🤣🤣 xx
Probably best that I have chocolate, as I I only have £3 on me and I dont think the girl at the shop will be too pleased if I gave her that and asked for sex. Ooooo actually, I can have chocolate by myself and sex..... also by myself.
Probably best to have it all by yourself, don't think anyone else will put up with what you do 🤣🤣🤣 xx
You make me sound like some sort of perverted deviant..... oh wait!
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Re: Mental asylum

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the master wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2020 6:38 pm
Ivy-mai wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2020 6:11 pm
the master wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2020 6:00 pm
Ivy-mai wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2020 5:18 pm Probably chocolate 🤣🤣, its supposed to be better then sex 🤣🤣🤣 xx
Probably best that I have chocolate, as I I only have £3 on me and I dont think the girl at the shop will be too pleased if I gave her that and asked for sex. Ooooo actually, I can have chocolate by myself and sex..... also by myself.
Probably best to have it all by yourself, don't think anyone else will put up with what you do 🤣🤣🤣 xx
You make me sound like some sort of perverted deviant..... oh wait!
Certainly glad you realised on your own 🤣🤣, didn't want to have to explain to everyone why you are, even though I'm pretty sure everyone knows anyway 😉🤣🤣 xx
love Ivy xxx
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Re: Mental asylum

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Ivy-mai wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2020 7:06 pm
the master wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2020 6:38 pm
Ivy-mai wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2020 6:11 pm
the master wrote: Sat Dec 05, 2020 6:00 pm

Probably best that I have chocolate, as I I only have £3 on me and I dont think the girl at the shop will be too pleased if I gave her that and asked for sex. Ooooo actually, I can have chocolate by myself and sex..... also by myself.
Probably best to have it all by yourself, don't think anyone else will put up with what you do 🤣🤣🤣 xx
You make me sound like some sort of perverted deviant..... oh wait!
Certainly glad you realised on your own 🤣🤣, didn't want to have to explain to everyone why you are, even though I'm pretty sure everyone knows anyway 😉🤣🤣 xx
The only reason I know I'm a perv is that it gets shouted at me in the park, bus, shopping centres, the deep. Xx
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Re: Mental asylum

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Day 8 in the Big Brother house.
Ivy has employed a young lad called liam to help her plot and kill TM.... (for some unknown reason, after all he is sweet and innocent)
Unfortunately young liam being keen and enthusiastic has fallen foul of 2 things.
1. Never trust strangers.. and their is none stranger than ivy.
2. By helping ivy, lord has seen him as a new "helper" and it has triggered lord's fetish of having sex with the help and is boiling over to homosexual lust and rage and is thinking of turning his anus into something that looks like a squashed blood orange.
Mad is also plotting to kill TM. because.... well why not, their is fuck all else happening in teir 3 areas at the moment,
Ivy has lured TM away with promises of showing him her large hole in the garden that can fit many stiff people in. TM thinks she is offering a gang bang, but is shocked to see it's an actual hole and Ivy has other plans for filling her hole.
Can lords homosexual lust for the help save TM in time to stop liam digging TMs grave and foil evil ivys plans?
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Re: Mental asylum

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🤣🤣 I am certainly thankful for Liam and mad helping me get rid of you 🤣🤣🤣.
At least I know I have 2 people to help me bury a body, telling you, perfect murder and there will be no evidence at all lol xx
love Ivy xxx
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Re: Mental asylum

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It is breakfast time in the Big Brother house.
All the house mates are having sausage sandwiches.
TM has gobbled his down like a hungry horse eating a carrot. No regard to the phallic shape of them as he stuffs sausage down his throat.
Mad. Has been put off by TM deep throating his sausage, in order to make it less phallic and homo erotic, mad has had to put sauce on his.
Lord refuses to eat anything you have to use your hands to eat with like a common street peasant from Kirk Ella / swanland. He has sent for a servant to help him eat it.
Ivy is crying whilst eating hers. She has run off to the diary room for confession.
Unfortunately the sausage reminds her of when she was called Iain (her birth name) and had a huge cock.
Ivy has come back to the house and the house mates have come over to console her. Ivy tells the room mates that she use to be Iain.
Ivy is confused by the lack of shock at her confession. The house mates knew something was not quite right, considering the house is only fitter with urinals and Iain / Ivy have not complained yet.
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Re: Mental asylum

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Telling you TM.

You shouldn't have got all excited when Don Ivy said "you'll be sleeping with the fishes" .

Like everything else in this country, I've outsourced and hired somebody else to do the job. I've hired an Irish bi hitman called Big Barry to use his weapon on you. He's sat now, polishing his tool, all cocked and loaded. Only charged 30 quid too as I went for the 15 min quicky option.

Sure you don't want to take the easy way out and jump into the hole?

:violence-instagib:
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Re: Mental asylum

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mrmadness wrote: Sun Dec 06, 2020 11:06 am Telling you TM.

You shouldn't have got all excited when Don Ivy said "you'll be sleeping with the fishes" .

Like everything else in this country, I've outsourced and hired somebody else to do the job. I've hired an Irish bi hitman called Big Barry to use his weapon on you. He's sat now, polishing his tool, all cocked and loaded. Only charged 30 quid too as I went for the 15 min quicky option.

Sure you don't want to take the easy way out and jump into the hole?

:violence-instagib:
I have come across people like him before. Sneaking around, trying to stab me from behind. They are all so well mannered though, asking if I want to be "whacked off yet". Usual they approach me in the toilets and tell me they are going to "destroy me arsehole" not sure I like being called arsehole though.
Think I will take my chances with ivys big hole, it looks kind of inviting and snug tbh. I've also heard that when it gets wet it's like a pond.
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Re: Mental asylum

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🤣🤣🤣 honest to god, I am going to kill you master, no amount of chocolate can get you off on this one! 🤣
***ANYONE READING THIS, I DO NOT ACTUALLY HAVE A PENIS, JUST TO BE CLEAR, NOR WAS I BORN IAIAN***
master you're not just getting the broom, you'll also be getting the digitalis 🤣🤣.


Thank you mad, at least someone sticks up for me 😘, please make the guy attack from the arse end 1st 🤣🤣 xx
love Ivy xxx
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Re: Mental asylum

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Ivy-mai wrote: Sun Dec 06, 2020 11:35 am 🤣🤣🤣 honest to god, I am going to kill you master, no amount of chocolate can get you off on this one! 🤣
***ANYONE READING THIS, I DO NOT ACTUALLY HAVE A PENIS, JUST TO BE CLEAR, NOR WAS I BORN IAIAN***
master you're not just getting the broom, you'll also be getting the digitalis 🤣🤣.


Thank you mad, at least someone sticks up for me 😘, please make the guy attack from the arse end 1st 🤣🤣 xx
What do I know !!!!! I shag penguins apparently. Lol
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Re: Mental asylum

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Lunchtime in the Big Brother house has been and gone.
The production crew are growing increasingly concerned for the welfare of housemate TM. Ivy, very much bemused by insinuation of formerly being called Iain is digging in the garden what appears to be a human sized hole. She is currently being helped by housemate Liam and house mate Mad appears to be working on some kind of makeshift tomb stone. The words "Here Lies" can be seen by the production team but they are unable to see what else has been scribed.
Repeated calls by crew for house mate Ivy to go to the Diary room and explain the purpose of the hole have been ignored. And they are currently not willing to enter the Big Brother house without a Security escort.
House mate Lord has sent for his minions, the reason for this request is currently unknown. A large build Irish man has arrived unannounced and or expected in the Big Brother reception, insisting he has been invited to be a house mate by the production staff and house mate Mad, which is currently being verified.
As we go over to the action, it would appear that housemates have rounded up all penguin related material and are building what looks like some form of pyre in the garden...
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Re: Mental asylum

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Ivy-mai wrote: Sun Dec 06, 2020 11:35 am 🤣🤣🤣 honest to god, I am going to kill you master, no amount of chocolate can get you off on this one! 🤣
***ANYONE READING THIS, I DO NOT ACTUALLY HAVE A PENIS, JUST TO BE CLEAR, NOR WAS I BORN IAIAN***
I'm not saying you have a penis... I'm saying that you HAD a penis
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Re: Mental asylum

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Meanwhile in the big brother house.
Ivy has final made her way to the diary room. Unfortunately she seems sexual frustrated at gripping the pole of a shovel for so long and stroking it as she dug TMs shallow grave. She is at a loss and traumatized though.
Ivy was feeling horny and in the spirit of Christmas, she wanted the house mates to "be like santa and empty your sacks"

Unfortunately she forgot she was dealing with a bunch of Cretans.
Mad had refused ivys request because as like santa, he will only empty his sack in someones chimney and then wants to be rewarded with a glass of milk and a cookie for him and a carrot for his reindeer.
The producers have seen where he puts that carrot and can assure viewers that no reindeers are in that body cavity of his.
Lord also struggled with Ivy's request as he feels that an adult should not believe in Santa, so he suggests a more familiar roleplay. (Oliver twist) he requests that ivy dress as a Victorian working boy and kneels in front of him and begs him "please sir, can I have some more" (a role play that Lord is more use too.... however he is due in court soon as it turns out that this was not role play at all, more of a historical real life crime)

Ivy is still in the diary room and request that the producers call childline and RSPCA after TM took the request too literally to empty his sack santa style, he claims that he only empties his sack whilst riding reindeer hard through the night whilst thinking of all the good boys and girls in the world whilst he does it. Or whilst he is breaking and entering in to children's bedrooms whilst they sleep and to see the look on their faces as he makes eye contact with them as he empties his sack all over the floor and around a tree if they have one.

Ivy gives up on getting a sack full from the house mates.
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Re: Mental asylum

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the master wrote: Sun Dec 06, 2020 2:24 pm
Ivy-mai wrote: Sun Dec 06, 2020 11:35 am 🤣🤣🤣 honest to god, I am going to kill you master, no amount of chocolate can get you off on this one! 🤣
***ANYONE READING THIS, I DO NOT ACTUALLY HAVE A PENIS, JUST TO BE CLEAR, NOR WAS I BORN IAIAN***
I'm not saying you have a penis... I'm saying that you HAD a penis
I have never had a penis! 🤣🤣 not now not ever 😝😝 xx
love Ivy xxx
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