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champ
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A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"

She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately."

Later that day, the blonde teenager came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.
"Yes, she replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10.00 tip.

“And, by the way," the teenager added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."
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went to into a brothel last night and said how much for anal? She said "Sixty quid" I said"that's a bit expensive i think i'll leave it" She said "Tight Arse!" I said "Oh ...go on then" : :dance:
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Congratulations to Thomas Cook for setting a wonderful example to others on how to reduce carbon emissions. :dance:
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Rambler wrote: Thu Oct 10, 2019 8:37 pm Image
Human Centipede ?
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champ wrote: Thu Oct 10, 2019 9:18 pm
Rambler wrote: Thu Oct 10, 2019 8:37 pm Image
Human Centipede ?
Human would be putting it generously.. 😂

Front to back: Nigel Farage, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Boris Johnson, Michael Gove and Theresa May
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Love the little top hat on Rees-Mogg.
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hornypunter wrote: Fri Oct 11, 2019 10:32 am Love the little top hat on Rees-Mogg.
Is Theresa having a s##t or is her pubes peeling off
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champ wrote: Fri Oct 11, 2019 1:00 pm
hornypunter wrote: Fri Oct 11, 2019 10:32 am Love the little top hat on Rees-Mogg.
Is Theresa having a s##t or is her pubes peeling off
Got to be the former because collar and cuffs don't match.
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Off to Finland...
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I was trying to get in touch with an old friend yesterday, she is a bit strange,i remember every time i went around to her house she was always setting fire to her credit card bills.
Bernadett she was called.
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David Bellamy's being cweamated to pwevent him wummaging awound in the undergwowth. :dance:
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"Dad,what's the difference between a pussy and a cunt? a young son asks.
" look at this "says dad, as he lifts the sheets on his naked sleeping mother, "that's a pussy son. "
"It's wonderful dad, can I touch it?"
"No son" says Dad " If you touch the pussy you'll wake the cunt up!"
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Hi all...Please be careful!
Last night I went to a Christmas party. I had a few beers, followed by a few cocktails, followed by a few shots....
I still had the sense to know that I was over the limit. That's when I decided to do what I have never done before: I took a taxi home.
Sure enough, there was a police check point on the way home, and since it was a cab, they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This was both a great relief and a surprise because I had never driven a taxi before. I don't even know where I got it from and now that it is in my garage, I don't know what to do with it.

Merry Christmas
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Here is another reason not to touch petrol pumps with your bare hands...

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Are my testicles black?
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and
pulls back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very,
very, closely:
"Are - my - test - results - back?
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