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champ
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I went to the Library and asked if they had a book about tiny penises.
The Librairian said " i dont think its in yet "
I said yes that the one.
:P
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champ wrote: Wed Sep 19, 2018 8:52 pm I went to the Library and asked if they had a book about tiny penises.
The Librairian said " i dont think its in yet "
I said yes that the one.
:P
Is that a Tintin book
....
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A Hull girl in bed with her boyfriend says, "How dare you call me a slapper. Get out of my bed right now and take your mates with you.
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I met an older woman at a bar last night.
She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all,
and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a couple of beers,
and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?
'What's that?' I asked.
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like, I said, 'No, I haven't.'
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'tonight's your lucky night'. We went back to her place. We walked in.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
'Mom ... you still awake?'
:o
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My kettle broke, so I popped in to John Lewis yesterday.
I approached one of the sales assistants, he said "Good Afternoon my name is Michael, how can I help?"
I asked "Would you be able to recommend a good brand of kettle please?"
He said "Kenwood"
I said "Great, thanks- where is he?"
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I went to the Doctor last week.
I said "Doctor, I've got salad in my hair, chicken in my ear, rice up my nose and tiramisu between my toes. What's wrong with me?"
She said "You're not eating properly"
Andiamo contro tutti
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champ wrote: Tue Nov 06, 2018 4:27 pm Image
Trust you Champ :lol: But if memory serves isn't this a double bluff? Is it not the case for every elf executed by Santa in November, two more take their place in December? :mrgreen:
Image Image SPONSOR Self Proclaimed Beaky, chicken & Droll Extraordinaire
Trump Finally Delivers - get me over there.
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One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill,
the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank
you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from
you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament
was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
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Brexit
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A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a £20 fell out onto the footpath.

Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are £20 notes falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer.

"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop.“Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a Golf course.
A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower Garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the best of it?

So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers.
Every time some guy sticks his thing through my I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me £20, or off it comes.'

"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way,
what's in the other bag?"

"Not everybody pays."
:lol:
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