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champ
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Re: haha

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Weight Loss Program.
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5lbs as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10lbs program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10lbs as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25 lbs program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine."

He lost 33 lbs that week.
:D
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Re: haha

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Re: haha

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champ wrote: Sun May 19, 2019 2:26 pm Image
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Opposite Bugger Hall I would imagine. :mrgreen:
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champ wrote: Sun May 19, 2019 2:26 pm Image
Found it for you . It is in Stocksfield. Postcode NE43 7TS.
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Reason #1 why women’s football is better than men’s.

The players never ever shout or argue with the referee. They just stop talking to him. Sometimes he gets to the end of the game and wonders what he did wrong.
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Jeremy Corbyn goes to the bank...
Jeremy: "Could you please cash this cheque for me?"
Cashier: "It would be my pleasure Sir, but could you please show me some identification?"
Corbyn: "I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I'm Jeremy Corbyn, Leader of the Labour Party and the Opposition!!"
Cashier: "Yes, I know who you are Sir, but with all the bank regulations, monitoring, impostors and forgers etc., I must insist on seeing some identification".
Corbyn "Just ask any of the customers here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am!"
Cashier: "I'm sorry Sir, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them".
Corbyn: "I'm urging you, please cash this cheque for me".
Cashier: "Look Sir, this is what we can do. One day Colin Montgomerie came into the bank without any ID.
To prove he was Colin Montgomerie he pulled out his putter and putted a ball along the floor and into a small cup.
With that sort of skill we knew it was Colin Montgomerie and we cashed his cheque. On another occasion, Andy Murray came in without any ID.
He pulled out his tennis racquet and lobbed a tennis ball straight into my teacup with such a spectacular shot that we all knew it was Andy Murray.
Corbyn starts to think and think and finally says, "To be honest, there is nothing that comes into my mind.
In fact I can't think of a single thing that I'm any good at."
Cashier: "Will that be large or small notes you require Mr Corbyn?
:D
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champ wrote: Fri Jun 14, 2019 4:25 pm Jeremy Corbyn goes to the bank...
.............
In fact I can't think of a single thing that I'm any good at."
Cashier: "Will that be large or small notes you require Mr Corbyn?
:D
You posted this in the wrong area; it should be in the True Story forum.
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Paddy and Murphy, come across a girl who's bike has a flat tyre.
Murphy leaves Paddy to help her and goes on his way.
A few mins later Paddy passes Murphy on the girl's bike.
"What the feck happened"? asks Murphy.
"Well, I fixed her bike and be jaysus she takes her fekin knickers off, lies on the ground and says, take what you want big boy! "So I took the bike.''
"Good on ye'' says Murphy, ''I'm sure the fekin knickers wouldn't fit ya anyway"
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The Police have Identified the Body of the Man who Fell out of the Plane over Clapham.
His Name is Amin Yaflowerbed
His friends have described him as "A very nice Bloke. Very Down to Earth"
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Kenyan authorities say that the stowaway who died falling out of a plane;s undercarriage was likely an airport worker with clearance.

About 9 and a half thousand feet of it.
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I;m not sure Kenya has quite got the concept of suicide bombing.
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To the Person who stole my glasses. I will find you. I have contacts...
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In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15.

In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie without mushrooms is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95.

In Trinidad and Tobago, the steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but you can buy two for £3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is £2.25 or two for £3.25.
They also offer meat and potato pie for £2, or two for £3. Their apple pies and cherry pies are often sold for £2.75, or two (any combination) for £4.75.







Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean
Shamelessly stolen from RadioX this morning.
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Racing pundit, John McCririck, has died.

I got it straight from the horses mouth.
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RIP John McCrirrick
Funeral service will be from the house at 10/1
Followed by burial at his local graveyard at 5/2
Refreshments at the local working men’s club at 5/4
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If someone is 10% Polish does that make them a tad pole? :dance:
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Where does the Devil do his washing up?

In Helsinki :dance:
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Live sporting events 😂
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If you stand by the sea, it sounds like putting a shell to your ear. :dance:
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1975 Barbara shocked us all at work by getting promoted three times in her first week and then went on to get employee of the month... Don't know how she did it!

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