Hull jokes

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champ
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Hull jokes

Unread post by champ »

Three men were sitting together in the Admiral bragging about how they had given their new wives duties to perform.

Terry had married a woman from Bosnia, and bragged that he had told his new wife to do the dishes and all the cleaning in the house. He said it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and all the dishes were washed and put away.


James had married a woman from Poland and he bragged that he had given his new wife orders to do all the cleaning, the dishes and the cooking. He told them the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better and by the third day his house was clean, the dishes done and there was a banquette on the table.


The third man said the he had married a Hull girl. He boasted that the duties he had ordered her to do were to keep the house clean, the dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table every day.
He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little bit out of his left eye. Enough to make himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and call a gardener ......
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HULL HURRICANE APPEAL

A major hurricane (Hurricane Dull) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter Scale hit Hull in the early hours of Friday with its epicentre in the Boulevard. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Fooookinell".
The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. Hull radio FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Hull. However looting, mugging and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.
One resident - Tracii Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock. My little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Taylor-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Trisha the next morning."
The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 6,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from and Bone China from Poundland and Elizabeth Duke at Argos.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:

Fila or Burberry baseball caps
White 3/4 length Shell suits
Fila or Burberry baseball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
Rockport boots
White sport socks
Other Primark goods

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include:

Microwave meals
Tins of baked beans
Strong white cider
Special Brew or 50p buys a cup of tea or a pen for filling in compensation forms.
Blue fizzy drinks for a family of

**Breaking news*
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop.
"Where are you bleeding from?' they asked. "Sammys Point" said the girl. "Woss that gotta do wiv you?"
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Re: Hull jokes

Unread post by scotty »

:lol: :lol: :lol: ur in trouble now!!
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Re: Hull jokes

Unread post by champ »

speak hull
Surfer.........posh name for a settee
Myrrh-bile....my other telephone
Perny (me little).....A toy horse
A bunnle-doo......what do you want for your dinner
A terld-a-merl......I informed every one
Meolidiz.....my annual vacation
pearl-er-perny....A horse used in posh sport
Yer sir slur.... Your not very quick
Rail-smerl....Not very big
Ammot-gunnoo.... I am reluctant to reply
Spurts-clairs.... garments for atheletes

No hullians were harmed in the writing of this!!!!!!!!
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hullian
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Re: Hull jokes

Unread post by hullian »

champ wrote:speak hull
Surfer.........posh name for a settee
Myrrh-bile....my other telephone
Perny (me little).....A toy horse
A bunnle-doo......what do you want for your dinner
A terld-a-merl......I informed every one
Meolidiz.....my annual vacation
pearl-er-perny....A horse used in posh sport
Yer sir slur.... Your not very quick
Rail-smerl....Not very big
Ammot-gunnoo.... I am reluctant to reply
Spurts-clairs.... garments for atheletes

No hullians were harmed in the writing of this!!!!!!!!
best laugh ive had in a while =D
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LordLuken
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Re: Hull jokes

Unread post by LordLuken »

SexySouthern wrote:same here!lol funny part was i only managed to understand the Speak Hull part coz of the translations :-) was i the only one sat reading them out loud? :lol: :lol:
Probably yeah!! :lol: :lol:
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LordLuken
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Re: Hull jokes

Unread post by LordLuken »

SexySouthern wrote:Hhmm interesting :think: :lol:
:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Hull jokes

Unread post by hornypunter »

champ wrote: Mon Nov 21, 2011 8:03 pm Three men were sitting together in the Admiral bragging about how they had given their new wives duties to perform.

Terry had married a woman from Bosnia, and bragged that he had told his new wife to do the dishes and all the cleaning in the house. He said it took a couple of days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and all the dishes were washed and put away.


James had married a woman from Poland and he bragged that he had given his new wife orders to do all the cleaning, the dishes and the cooking. He told them the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better and by the third day his house was clean, the dishes done and there was a banquette on the table.


The third man said the he had married a Hull girl. He boasted that the duties he had ordered her to do were to keep the house clean, the dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table every day.
He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little bit out of his left eye. Enough to make himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and call a gardener ......
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
HULL HURRICANE APPEAL

A major hurricane (Hurricane Dull) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter Scale hit Hull in the early hours of Friday with its epicentre in the Boulevard. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Fooookinell".
The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. Hull radio FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Hull. However looting, mugging and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.
One resident - Tracii Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock. My little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Taylor-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Trisha the next morning."
The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 6,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from and Bone China from Poundland and Elizabeth Duke at Argos.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:

Fila or Burberry baseball caps
White 3/4 length Shell suits
Fila or Burberry baseball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
Rockport boots
White sport socks
Other Primark goods

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required foodstuffs include:

Microwave meals
Tins of baked beans
Strong white cider
Special Brew or 50p buys a cup of tea or a pen for filling in compensation forms.
Blue fizzy drinks for a family of

**Breaking news*
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop.
"Where are you bleeding from?' they asked. "Sammys Point" said the girl. "Woss that gotta do wiv you?"
Whilst using the search facility, came across this old post. Made me chuckle so I thought I would recycle it.
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Re: Hull jokes

Unread post by Georgia69xxx »

champ wrote: Mon Nov 21, 2011 8:32 pm speak hull
Surfer.........posh name for a settee
Myrrh-bile....my other telephone
Perny (me little).....A toy horse
A bunnle-doo......what do you want for your dinner
A terld-a-merl......I informed every one
Meolidiz.....my annual vacation
pearl-er-perny....A horse used in posh sport
Yer sir slur.... Your not very quick
Rail-smerl....Not very big
Ammot-gunnoo.... I am reluctant to reply
Spurts-clairs.... garments for atheletes

No hullians were harmed in the writing of this!!!!!!!!
This is gold!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣
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